Cherry

We declare that cherry is America’s national favorite candy flavor, similar to how cherry pie is America’s favorite pie. We’re usually not the type of people to judge, but now it can be said that it is officially un-American to not love cherry candy!

If you don’t love cherry candy, that may mean you are a communist or a socialist because you are definitely not a capitalist American. How could any American not love Cherry Jolly Ranchers, Cherry Tootsie Pops or Cherry Jelly Belly beans? Not any full-blooded American that we know. All the Americans we know love their mothers, the Star Spangled Banner and Cherry Starburst – and that’s a fact.

If you are a student of history, you’ll agree that America is a very welcoming country. That said, there are some things that we just can’t stand for and distaste of delicious cherry candy is one of them. For goodness sakes ,cherry candy is red, which is one of the three colors in the U.S. flag! This type of disrespect will not be tolerated by the people of the United States.

Last year, 345 people were deported back to their home countries or to California for publicly voicing their dislike of cherry candy. You may ask yourself ,how does an American get deported to California, but that’s a story for another day…they are kind of weird out there. Anyway, it should be known that the U.S. Justice Department is stepping up their efforts in locating these un-American people who dislike cherry candy.

America is a strong, vibrant and unified country. The birthplace of Rock-n-Roll, McDonalds, Cherry Original Gourmet Pops and Cherry Laffy Taffy. Cherry Candy is our nation’s favorite flavor and any person who believes differently will soon have to find a new country to live in…perhaps Mexico or Canada...if they'll have them.